Navigating Parenting with Proper Form Pt I

Some days, I feel like Sandra Bullock’s character from the Bird Box blindly navigating down the river of parenting.  I mean, minus the creeper dude who attacks her on her journey and the deadly invisible whatever-that-is trying to off everyone, of course. But otherwise, totally sorta the same, right?  There are moments you’re traveling down a calm and peaceful segment of the river and other moments when you're trying to do whatever it takes to save yourself from crashing up on the rocky rapids!  That river can be unpredictable at times...and relentless, which is why it’s important to have proper form while navigating through this River of Parenting.

Proper parenting form?  Let’s pull it back a little - when you think about any physical activity like walking, running, swimming or throwing, it’s important to consider your mechanics while going through the motions.  Maintaining proper parenting form is just as important.  Take a look at the chart below to understand why both forms are so important.

Knowing your parenting form is about having mindfulness and clarity. It’s about being deliberate and having control over your actions and reactions in order to handle difficult moments in a meaningful way.  With proper parenting form, you have control over tough situations to build character and connection rather than chaos and hurt feelings. As you paddle down turbulent sections of your own river, here are some strategies to help keep you focused on your parenting form:

• Establish Clarity - What is going on in the moment? Is it behavior, anxiety or a heightened sensory system? What resources do you have to help you get through the moment?
• Control - In order to help your child, you will need to have control over YOUR words, actions, reactions, body language, etc. What can you control in yourself and your environment?
• Self Care - Breathing, venting, praying, etc.  What ways can you help yourself get through this difficult moment? 
• Boundaries - Consistency, allow some space, disengage, pause before speaking, remove yourself from the situation. Do you know your boundaries? Have you established what is acceptable or unacceptable?
• Connection - Offering opportunities for your child to feel loved and cared for. “I’m here for you when you’re ready”, offering hugs or a rub on the back, offering help, reminders of past successes, encouragement, reframing the situation for your child.  What are ways you can connect with your child even when YOU are under stress?
• Grace - Allow yourself some permission for imperfect parenting.  It happens to everyone and opens the door for an opportunity to repair and connect with your child. Modeling an apology to your child and forgiving yourself is such an important part of parenting.

Think about your own river of parenting. When you look back on the turbulent sections, are you able to identify any strategies that helped you navigate the rapids?  Do you have a vision of how you might handle the next rough patch?  What tools and strategies do you envision using along the way?  Knowing how to properly use your tools is a great way to prepare for your next journey.

Continue to Pt. 2 of my blog to learn how I put these strategies into action in my own life!