What's You Super Power?
I’m a big believer in ‘finding the good’ in a situation but have really been lacking in finding the good in myself lately. It’s all about that measuring stick — always measuring up to some imaginary mark. And, while I usually don’t play that game, (or shall I say, I’ve been getting much better at not playing that game), I feel like I keep getting sucked in.
What am I getting sucked into, you ask? Measuring up against myself! As I reflect on the last 14+ months, I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the “should haves/could haves.” I’m concerned I haven’t made the most of our time during the ‘stay at home’ period, and I’m feeling guilty about all the ‘stuff’ I haven’t tackled. My brain tells me I did my best (as we all did) given the circumstances. But in my heart, I can’t help to feel as if I’ve failed.
While my family was fortunate and didn’t experience any hardships during the shutdown (for which I am completely grateful), we certainly didn’t make the most of the time home. While some families took advantage of the remote learning and traveled creating pandemic memories, we were more conservative and stayed home. We didn’t get a COVID dog or add on to our family. My basement was not reorganized, I didn’t clear out any closets or sort through the drawers. Nor did I experiment with any recipes in the kitchen. And, although we were together pretty much 24/7, it felt like we had less quality time as a family than ever before.
Then, I read this New York Times piece, “12 Moms and Their Secret Strengths,” and it was just EVERYTHING to me. It’s a collection of essays that allows us to drop the “I didn’t” or the “I’m not good at” statements. Instead, it encourages us to find the qualities that identify us as great parents. We each bring something special and unique to our own families...let’s celebrate that!
It was a reminder to adjust my perspective and start focusing on the positives. Rather than perseverating on how I haven’t measured up, I began to hone in on all that I HAVE accomplished and found an appreciation for the mother that I am to my children.
When I pause and let my inner judge rest, I can start to peel back the layers and really see below the surface. When I allow myself some grace and reframe my feelings around our time spent during the pandemic, I can see where my superpowers kicked in, allowing me to remember that I am exactly what my family needs.
Wondering about my Superpowers? Here are a few I’ve discovered-
The ‘Let’s Do It’ Mom (aka ‘Embarrassing Mom)-
My accomplishments over the past year may not seem like much on paper, but in reality, they have certainly made an impact. I’ve come to the realization, there will always be closets to organize and projects to tackle. I’ve decided to let go of the feelings of failure and revel in my pandemic successes as simple as they may seem. And, I’ll just keep all the closet doors closed for now!
We’re all rockstar parents in our own way. Where do YOU shine? What qualities make you a unique parent your family needs and adores?
I challenge YOU to find 10 ways you bring your unique self and specialness to your parenting game. Heads up: It’s a tough start, but once you get going you may not be able to stop! Go ahead, grab a piece of paper, start a google doc, open the notes app on your phone, and start your list! Refer to it often to remember the awesomeness you bring to your family on the daily!
Small Changes for Big Results
Think about your past New Year’s resolutions. Have you ever kept a resolution just because you ‘told’ yourself to do something new? If so, I’m super impressed! But, many of us need to put some changes in place before the resolution sticks. For instance, if the resolution is to start going to the gym, you may lay your clothes out and fill a water bottle the night before, perhaps reserve a spot in class or get a training buddy to hold you accountable. In other words, we adjust our environment to reduce the friction and increase our chances for success.
So, why would it be any different for children? Telling kids to do something new rarely works. How can you support your child to change their behavior in a way that promotes success and independence? Think of an area your child (and/or you) may be struggling with. If you widen your lens and shift your perspective, can you find one small change in your environment you could implement to get a different (hopefully, more positive) response from your child?
Looking for some ideas? Let’s discuss -
Routine - Does your child have a tough time following along with a routine? (getting ready in the morning? Bedtime routine?)
Behavior - For example, is your child melting down during transitions?
Following Directions - Does your child have a hard time following through with directions?
Rebecca Murphy, Certified PCI® Parent Coach.